I Just Tried Vlogging This—It Didn’t Work
Today I’m fucked up in my soul. I’m beat to a pulp. I can’t lie and cover it up with niceties. I feel like roadkill. The hardest part is holding it together for an extended period when you don’t have an outlet to release. I’m not faking happiness right now. I’m not going to fake wellbeing. I feel like Hulk Hogan is squeezing the fuck out of my life force. I’m not sure how long I will allow myself to feel defeated but I need this right now. I need a reality check to know that I’ve fucked up, have been fucking up, and if I don’t want to feel like this anymore I have to adopt a new script. I haven’t been valuing myself; I actually never learned how to. I’m only a fragment of my true self. I hear stories of people who saw the error in their ways, made some changes, and won at life. Can I do that too? I’m at war with myself and I’m in an involuntary war with this world. I’m mentally and spiritually tired right now. My soul seeks refuge.